Christmas!!!!

Hey guys it's christmas!!! WOOHOOO!!!!! Yeahhhhh!!! Awesomeeeee!!! But I still feel shitty as always, sigh what to do. I'm Avi, this is how I feel all the time everytimeeeeee! Hahahahah, still taking the one day at a time shit but a lot of shit is getting to me. I wish the best for everyone out there and please if you guys are worrying about life always take note that there is someone who is having it worse then you so appreciate life as it is or if you can't take it talk to someone who can help and if that doesn't work out just do what makes you happy (p.s for me ending my life right now would make me soooo happy but I am living and carrying on with life cause of my family) Do take care and enjoy this holiday season alright mateys!!! 😊☺😌

Downhill

I don't know where I'm going in life. Was the saddest on my birthday and mentally just broke down after spending my evening with the one person I really loved. Couldn't take my life and called my dad and he came to my rescue as always. Wish I could be a better person that's all. I want to also make those around me happy too but this seems too much to ask for now isn't it. I'll just take one day at a time now, that's all I can afford to do as of now.

Runaway

I don't make the people around me happy anymore, I feel more of a burden then anything else. The girl I loves doesn't really love me back, I don't see eye to eye with my family members and life is just getting so tiring to live each and everyday by. The only reason I don't want to go for Brunei is solely because I'm scared of what may happen to my family when I'm not here. I will not be able to experience and go through this one yr with them. But I guess life works like that, it's a choice given and it's a good one to make as the benefits for me outweigh the bad points. The money is one and the overseas Uni education I can  easily afford for is another. I don't know this constitutes as a reason but also all those I'm leaving behind will be fine and they don't have to worry about me anymore. I don't mind, I just don't want them to be burdened with me that's all.

Brunei bound

A years posting to Brunei is just what I'd need to make me be independent and forget everything I have here. I'd miss a lot of things but if I go there, wouldn't it be better for all this people I rely on? Some of them are getting real tired of me and some don't even entertain me already. It's like I'm not needed in their life. This reason of not being needed here coupled with the fact that I earn some serious cash being posted there makes me want to commit to it. 

Still contemplating the decision but I do know that I won't be missed but I'll miss everyone I'm leaving behind here.

Happy

My life always consists if so many Hugh's and lows, from a high such as being able to spend time with you on a constant basis to lows like family problems ( it's not the normal kind, trust me). I don't know how to make everything right, I don't know how to keep you forever with me, I don't know how to help my family, I don't know anything about my future and I just don't feel like I can continue living this life of mine. I'm not a coward or anything but I've seen enough and experienced enough, I really wouldn't mind going to see my mother right about now 😌

Bad habits

Been drinking a lot lately, smoking is becoming hard to quit too and the night life which I have stayed clear from is pulling me closer to it. Can't seem to have a strong stand on anything but I am trying still. Maybe I'll have fun for now in the short term. I've already got company Whom I'm gonna have fun this coming Friday, so its gonna be awesome so as of now I don't know when I'll turn over a new leaf but the party animal in me is on the prowl and I'm going to have fun with you this Friday. I'll make the best out of it, I know you're reading and this is something for you to be looking forward to! Bye bye for now blog and I'll be seeing you this Friday alright 😉😊😌

Life

Don't you guys ever feel sad about how life can throw so many bad things at you. Pressure to make it big, pressure to fit in, pressure to be accepted. I just want to be able to say I did my best at the end of the day. I'm trying real hard, trying to make things work out for me. Hope what I do from today onwards makes for a better tmr.

BMT and Booka-Out!!!!! 👍😄

Hello everyone! 👋😊 I was away for 2 weeks having my BMT and now I'm finally out! WooooooHoooo! Yeah! Awesome! 

Alright so it has been two boring (yet fun) weeks that I spent in a Pes C BMT batch but I have made many memories and many new friends who are weird and very disable! (just kidding) I have a great bunch of bunk mates and a bonded platoon that has been persevering through the some what "tough" training, not falling out and fighting through their various conditions. Seriously salute them for they are physically challenged yet they push themselves to be participative in each and every activity we do. Learnt a lot during this two weeks and growing to be more independent Cheyyyyyy. Hahhahaha. 

Anyways first confinement week ended and now I'm out and free to do things and engage in activities. So today I managed to have a pleasant dinner with my family for my uncles belated birthday celebration after which I went for a movie with a good buddy of mine. Tmr I'm gonna play basketball with my bunk mates and lets see what else is planned out last minute before I book in again on Sunday.

I have planned to keep myself occupied with the time I have by trying my hand at a new sport and learning several new skills. Want to also get a diploma or degree while in NS and hope I have an idea of what to study on after NS. Till then I'll keep you guys posted if anything new happens in my life now. Stay safe and have fun my friends! 😌😊

14th August 2013

It has been 28 beautiful months knowing this beautiful girl, though things are as it is now and we had our fair share of problems, arguments and fights, I thank you for coming into my life 28 months ago. I still remember the day vividly and still remember how you stuck on my mind when we first met, I can't lie and say it wasn't love at first sight but you know I was constantly watching you, seeing your every action and slowly falling in love with you at that moment. 28 months later and as of now I still remember all those things that happened that day. You're always in my thoughts and my mind just can't seem to think of anything else but you. I just want to see you happy. Keeping you in my thoughts and caring for you is something I can't stop doing. Time has brought us apart but maybe that time can also bring us together. I'll just have to be patient. Heres to us, happy 28th months dear. Hope you're smiling out there reading this right now 😊

Happy 27th Monthsary Dear! ❤😘😊😌

I'm not good with words anymore, I can't seem to find the right words to say how much I love you. Even though you're passing each day without me just fine I'm constantly thinking about you here and I know a small part of you thinks about me too. I hate how people come in the way of our relationship but I am to take full responsibility of all that has happened between us. I love you so much more than words can explain. I wish I can make everything right and we can keep our promise of forever and always. 

Happy 27th months dear, you're all I ever wanted, you have a good day now dear 

Happy Hari Raya! 😊

Hi once again guys! It's gonna be Hari Raya in a few mins now and I need to wish someone, the person who unfortunately I didn't manage to spend Hari Raya with last year but the previous year we managed to spend it together. I hope she invites me to her house so I can meet her family and eat good food! Heheheh Here's a pic of us during Hari Raya 2011.

Hope this years Hari Raya is happening for you and me. Wish I can see you before I go in. And to all who are reading Happy Hari Raya and Happy National Day and also have a good long weekend! 😊

Moving on

Well it's not easy but no one said it would be, I just want you to know that I'm thankful for the time we spent together and all the experiences we've been through. I will definitely cherish them for a life time. It's alright that maybe five years from now we might ignore or talk to each other but whichever the case is our minds will play back the times we spent and the memories we shared. 

I understand that there is no place for me  in your world anymore and it is tough but why should I hurt myself when you're ready to move on? You're really lucky to never have to be alone, always having a guy there for you to confide with. It's nice to know that you can smile no matter what happens. I wish I was that strong. The thing that brings me the greatest joy from this is that I have given happiness to two young hearts. Though not willingly but I'm prepared to accept that it has come from my actions (or lack of actions) It is a good deed in my books. It doesn't matter if I'm sad cause I'm kinda used to it. Sadness has been a big part of my life and it helps to remind me that things just happen, they sometimes can be explained and other times they cannot be but whatever the case we have to deal with it and live life. Life is really too short, we can't be dwelling on the bad things that happened, we just have to move on. 

Are you happier?

Really wonder if this is what you want and know what you are pursuing. As a person it wouldn't be nice to be holding back and bothering you as its so evident you don't want any part of me already. It was great and I learned a lot from what we had. I love you very much and I'm running out of ways to show it even though I try so hard. I just foresee that if you moved on from me you're gonna move on from him but I pray to god this doesn't happens. I don't even know if you moved on from me but I would like to get a response from you. It would be nice. And I hope I've assumed wrongly when i said that you've moved on from me.

I'm still in love with you

No matter how many things I do in a day I always think about you, can someone please tell me why is that so? Here I am trying to distract myself from thoughts of you and it seems like I can't go by a single day being successful in doing so. I really miss you so much and I hope you notice that I'm here wanting and needing  you and I want to make things work for us and for us to live together ultimately. I wonder if all this is possible or just me wishfully thinking and hoping. If you're reading this I really want you back as who you are and I will be the best companion for you in this life. Loving you always Zulaiqah, Avinesh.

My kind of Saturday

Well hello guys! It's nice to see you'll again here reading my blog. Thank you for reading I appreciate the little time you spend here and it will surely tell you more about me. Okay so let's start, my Saturday started of with me texting the girl I love and asking her why she hasn't slept and a second message asking her that of she wanted a wake up call I could give her one. A bad idea on my part for she already has moved on. I really suck at this guys, I really love her. It's all painful but I keep with it in hopes that one day I'd be with her again. So she finally did reply me and we had a few texts before I found out she's meeting the guy she likes for dinner which needless to say broke my heart but I let it be cause they themselves are figuring things out and I feel very bad to be holding on when she wants to move on and the guy is interested in her. But I love her still but then again nobody cares. So off I went to the gym and had an awesome chest session with my bros, finished of with a light cardio and abs exercises. Shoulder feels painful but I want to get stronger and not let an injury rob me of my physical goals. 

After my gym session I had to rush home as I had my nephews birthday party to attend and dad told me that we might have to take the bus since he sent his car for repair. I was kinda looking forward to taking the bus with my dad but he managed to get the car back in time and so we left for the party. My nephews party was happening but a lot of drinking and talking and me trying to entertain the children present. They are quite the unruly bunch but are cute little rascals. One of them was so scared of ballons that he wouldn't come to the table with the ballons on them! He would always watch the BALLONS like they have a life or something! HAHAHAHAHAH do the night party ended pretty nicely and our family had fun catching up and stuff. Some pics from the party,

 

It was one awesome gathering with family. So I shall move in to my night plans with friends. Had two plans for tonight; one with my Bali peeps to meet for supper and another with my sec sch bros for some poker and supper. Went along with my sec sch bros as majority of Bali peeps weren't free to meet up and so the game of poker began! Let me just show you'll how much I won, hehehheheh. 

So let me explain what colour chips are of what value. Red is $1, blue is 50cents, green is 20cents and white is 10cents (all is per chip). There is also black which is under the red worth $2 per chip. I had won a total of $75 from the starting deposit of $10! That's some kinda luck and skill there as I profited so much and can use the money for my expenses and outings the next few days till bmt! Happy and waiting for some food adventure we went to Swee Choon for a dim sum's which are nice but not my thing and then ended the night with some ice chocolate from Starbucks and checking on the girl I love which was a bad move I guess as it hurt me. Sigh, I do so much to distract myself but yet I can't even control. Sigh. I wish things were as they were last time. Stupid me to things that end up hurting me. Hope I grow from this. And I love my friends who check up on me with simple things like telling me this.

And here's some shots of my outing, sorry guys! Kinda Ingram but bear with me! After all this is my blog! Hehehehe 

Its 7am now guys, goodnights from me. Will be updating my blog regularly so do follow yah! Take care and have fun in life guys! :D

Thoughts

 

Even if it means seeing them happier with someone else. 

Friend's first Tatt

Hi guys it's the second day okay technically third day since its past midnight, that I created this blog and so this post is for the 2nd of August Friday alright guys. So enjoy reading now! :) 

I had been waiting for today for awhile now as one of my friends wanted to get a tattoo piece on his anterior shoulder area. His idea was a Mandalay but with a unique twist to it something sort of mosaic kind of Mandalay flower if you ask me and the place he is getting inked at is Black Moustache tattoo parlour at 50A Temple Street. It really looked nice on paper and so I and a bunch of my friends accompanied him to see the process of getting a tattoo done and also to give him support as it was his first tatt. Here are some images of the waiting and the tatts.

Nice looking tatt right? I know, for a first it's super nice the intricacy and detail. It's actually something I wouldn't mind getting but I've planned my first tatt a long time ago. Hopefully I can get it done by this year end with my GST money and keeping my fingers cross that it is not gonna be super expensive! Hahahah

Ended the day with some basketball nearby my place with Leon and then headed back home to call it a day. So till next time thanks for reading people and I'll update the blog again soone enough! :)

My Dear

Hi Ladies & Gentleman and to whoever is reading my blog, thank you for reading my first post! Okay I know the Profile pic for my blog is abit crappy but hey, it was taken from  someone I love dearly and also it was taken at a time when I was on my way to becoming happy again for the second time in my life. Want to know who took the photo? Well it's this girl right here.

She looks cute doesn't she? Well she looks beautiful to me and she is an amazing girl. I've not known anyone who has been through a tough life like hers and still manage to hold her ground. Similarly to me she has had loads of problems and being of a young age she managed to be so strong and has always been the judge of her happiness. I loved her mainly for the reason that she was someone strong and for me she was my first so I was able to trust her with my heart and while we were dating we saw that we had much in common and longed for someone like one another. We had some great times she and me, first time I met her at the FOP camp while I was a student leader ad she a freshie. I can still remember the time when she introduced herself, how cheerful she looked and how her smile lit up like she had no care. The kind of innocence that a guy like me would like in a girl. We chatted after that on Fb and I also made fun of her asking her when she's about what 156cm to go participate for the tug of war between schools and how she replied still shocks me to this very day, She could still answer "Yes!" II was like taken aback can! Hahahahaa. Fop ended and we continued chatting and then we decided to take the same bus to sch for her first day, the bus rides i would come to love was taking 169 with her. A journey from her place to sch was approx 30-45 mins and we'd talk and I'd be shy to put my hands around her and she'd act like she has fallen "asleep" and sleep on my shoulder. She was a cheeky girl, first girl to ever do that to me and in my heart I was thinking that I felt special to someone, I mean never had a girl fallen asleep on my shoulders and that too on purpose. It was a nice feeling, a feeling I still think about now. Days went on till I finally managed to get the courage to put my arms around her and then slowly things started progressing from there, hugs, kisses, hanging out daily and getting to know each other better. Eventually slightly before the first year into our relationship we had huge arguments and I admit I had pushed her away several times, it wasn't because I didn't love her but more of a fear that She doesn't love me and I had to find out if she still did. Arguments became more frequent and then finally after "celebrating" our first year together she had decided she had enough and broke up with me for another guy. I made my wrongs, hit her once and am really sorry about it. It wasn't right but in anger we do things without thinking. I lost her so fast and all my efforts back then to get her back, from calling her hundred over times to trying to meet up with her even though my Grandmother passed away recently in that week itself all went to waste and she attached herself to another guy while I was left alone to figure out what is it that I could do alone at that moment. I eventually started dating again and had gotten to know many of my dates and tried real hard to make things click and work but nothing seem to work. All I could do was wait and try again for another girl till it works out or something. While i was dating I also did the foolish thing of still checking up on you and your bf back then to see if you guys are okay and to know if you're happy but sometimes what I see was what I never wanted to know. I always just want you to be happy that's all, doesn't matter if it's with me but I wanted you to be happy out there full-stop. Soon after breaking up and having a 3 month relationship with him I found myself seeing a "Hi......." on my msn. It was all good as I didnt have anyone and I really did miss you. Eventually we started going out again and I had to try even harder to get you to have a relationship with me again. So we managed to work things together and enjoyed the next few months but all good things come to an end. We only enjoyed 7-8 months of happiness as alot of shit happened, I messed up huge and you still had the heart to forgive me and now we just lost it all. You're interested in another guy again and I just want you to be happy. Life is like this, we don't necessarily get what we want but we have to understand why such things happen, learn from the experiences and become a better individual. I love you very much to this day but it is not me that you want and need, I think. It was nice knowing you, Zulaiqah Zulkili and I hope you have a blessed life. I'll love you forever and always alright, I promised :)

Here's some of the memories we had,

Thank you for everything, I miss you. I love you and maybe one day you'll come back to me. Be happy wherever you may be now dear.